I've never been so lost, at a point I can't recognize when or even where I have been. It is like a compass is stuck inside your head, that kind of feeling or even courage of not getting lost. They call it a navigation talent, or an ability to read a map. A woman doesn't read a map, but a man does. That is a complete bullshit. I have met people, man or woman, who can and can't read a map. Your sexuality doesn't determine your ability of navigation. But, it is not my point here. Alas!
Traveled for several days, as it to be a self-discovering odyssey, turned out being a complete lost and found. Still fresh in my mind, the feeling of the ocean hit me in the face while I rode a small fisherman boat to pass through the strait. It was salty, itchy, and wobbly feeling you got from encountering the wave. I wanted to puke, at the thought of the hell hole I've had go through, only to discover a deserted island with a shady personality people lives in there. Sad tho, but, who can blame the over-rated destination description from the ah-mazing internet. At least, I've seen the picture of a near-perfection place in this alienated small island.
A completely different feeling washed me. The slumber was short, as short as my stay those days. The morning I encountered there when I was alone, waiting for the dawn to subside and morning to come, I came to a realization. Who am I? I was no-one on this island, no-one in this small world, even if I faked my name or identity, they won't know. Unless they got my ID and it would blow my cover. To that point, I just knew one thing, I was lost, not only in this remote place but also I lost my self in my own self and mind. The other land beyond the horizon was so far I was afraid I can't make it, just like the other side of my mind. It was a loneliness I embraced that very morning. But I never am afraid of being all alone, I am afraid of something else.
Then, it just came to my mind.
What does it feel, for someone who never goes beyond the ocean?
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